1am and i’m just sitting in my bed crying and listening to a song called i should go, i’m uncontrollably sobbing. It’s re-opened all my pain of how many people have left me in my life. People that have betrayed my trust, ruined my whole family and made me feel like things will never be the same again between the people i love. I never thought pure hatred existed until that moment. Ruined the relationship i had with someone who was as close as a brother to me. And the worst moment when my whole entire world came crashing down, when i found out my grandma had passed away, i can’t even see what i’m typing right now cause tears are just streaming down my face. My grandma was one of the most amazing person i’ve ever know. She was definitely the strongest person (apart from my mum) she didn’t deserve the pain of cancer, she was always so healthy, looked after her four children the best she could and provide for them even if it meant she had to suffer. And then looking after all ten of her grandchildren and practically raising me. Still to this day, that was the worst moment of my life, imagine just finding out the women who was always there for you no matter what, the women who looked after you almost every single day was just taken from this world, from me. Not a day goes by where i don’t miss her and cry, I will never forget anything she ever did, i love her and miss her so much :’( And then two years ago my other grandma was the happiest most beautiful person and she was gone aswell, i love and miss them both so much :( i know this doesn’t make sense but i just to write whatever went through my mind before i went to sleep.